Bad at Blogging

Hello world, Happy Halloween!

 prepare your butts, today's blog post is a bit of a long one.

So as some of you may or may not have notice I've been on a bit of a hiatus recently and for that I'm really sorry. I wont give you any excuses, I've just had nothing interesting (that I feel) you guys would enjoy reading. After loosing my job, some friends and feeling very isolated with almost everything I've been doing, I've just put my blog off for a long time, shut it away in a box in hidden it in a corner, but I thought today I would put on my big girl panties and finally log back into my blog. And did anything bad happen? Nope. Did I loose any readers? Not that I'm aware of.

My mental health right now is a bit of a state, and I wont lie, I feel like it had played a little part in my not wanting to write all that much. I've suffered on and off with for the past six years with GAD, AKA Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I won't go into it too much but people with GAD tend to feel anxious about a wide range of situations and issues, rather than just one specific event. (You can read more about GAD here). And i'll be honest with you guys, a bunch of questions have played on my mind for a long time; what if no one is actually reading what I write? How will I ever get my blog to grow? And that ladies and gentleman is the  question literally answered itself, I'll never grow or get readers if I don't actually write anything in the first place. Talk about being a numpty or what? I've decided to set myself a goal of one blog post per week, which will come out every Monday. No set time, or date, just whenever I feel like writing and posting, start of small and work your way up, at least whilst I get my head sorted

Image found on Pinterest 

Another thing that's been bothering me recently is my attitude towards people, relationships, my physical health and money. I've had a big kick up the backside when it comes to all these things and I've realized now I've taken everything for granted. Looking back I've had almost everything handed to me on a plate, whether its financial help from my partner, to paying for a swimming membership i haven't used in months to pushing people away for absolutely no reason. And for all these reasons and more I am truly sorry. I've been a massive butt and not even realized, I've taken too much for granted and it's time to give something back. I'm pushing myself to get my butt out of the house and go for a swim and wont buy that tiny bottle of coca cola just for the convenience and the worst one, but most 'adult' of all I'm going to try and save money. That last one will definitely kill me I'm sure but in the long run I know it will be better for myself and my partner. I'll be honest, sometimes I feel like people don't understand how difficult it is to save money when a) you don't have a job, b) You've never actually been taught to save money, and finally c) I'm an emotional eater, I eat my feelings. Alot. And buying comfort food is where ALOT of my money goes and this needs to stop, no matter how delicious that piece of fried chicken is. 

Ending on a brighter note, I've re-kindled some past relationships with family and friends, I don't know where they'll go but it feels like a little weight has been lifted from my shoulders which on top of everything else that's swimming in my head right now, is quite nice. It's nice talking to people I haven't talked to in a long time, even if you don't plan on really talking to them again for another long period of time, at least you planned to talk to them first.

It's not going to be easy, but it's going to be worth it, and let's face it, nothing in life that's worth having is ever easy.

And so begins a little new mindset on everything, how's your evening been people of the internet?

Toodlepip xx

I also wanted to dedicate this post to my partner, without him, I wouldn't be where I am today. Literally, I wouldn't have a computer to write blog posts on or anything. But seriously, Jamie, I love you, and I'm sorry I've taken us for granted recently.