Trying To Be Healthy (Again..)

Oh hai,

So I decided to take control of my health (again). Obviously because of the problems with my leg, I'm going to take it easy on the exercise side of things for now, and hopefully taking up swimming again later. I still have little to no motivation for 'being healthy' because "I'm fat already what difference is it going to make?". But if it means I'll be in less pain with my leg, happier and healthier I'm willing to try literally everything; Whilst I still have the mentality to anyways. 

Any who, for the past few days I've been logging what I eat onto the My fitness pal app, I've done this in the past and it seemed to work for me since I could see what I've been eating, how many calories it had and all that fun stuff but it's harder for me to keep track of everything than I remember. Maybe it's because I'm in such a bad state of mind with all things 'Healthy' but I find it such a struggle sometimes to log everything and stay under my calorie goal (which I've made to be no more than 1,500 calories per day). 
Another struggle I've had is forcing myself to eat breakfast. From someone who's never eaten breakfast before to now eating it everyday my body is sort in what's going on mode.  I'll admit, toast and jam probably isn't the most healthiest of breakfasts, but something is better than nothing for me right now, just while I'm getting used to it at least, and then I can go on to switch it out for something more healthier and less packed with sugar. 

I found I've been sleeping a lot more too. I'm a regular napper, a nap queen if you will. But I'm trying so hard to not nap so I can sleep all through the night rather than go to bed at stupid o'clock and wake up at 6am because I'm I've had a four hour nap, and just being tired and sluggish for the rest of the next day. I'll admit, my new medication makes me RIDICULOUSLY tired, but I needed to find a better time to take them because usually taking them around 7pm makes me shattered for 8pm then i'll sleep all through until 6am which I feel is a stupid amount of sleep. I've decided though to only take this medication every other day from now on, If the sleeping side effect wares off eventually. I don't want to have withdrawals from not taking them. 

Any who, I'm not going to go and throw how much I weigh around here right now but my first goal is to loose 25lbs, then 50lbs, then 7lbs, and I think you get it from there. Ultimatly, I'd love to loose around 100lbs (45kg or 7 stone, however you read it), And that really is a lot of weight but I want this to be a slow process, not a happen all at once then pile the weight back on one. 

 These Quotes about Weight Loss Are Hilarious - and Motivating ... Learn More>> www.healthandfitn...
Image Source

So it's officially on my blog, Laura is trying to be healthy (again). Shall we place bets on how long I'll last this time? Buahaha.

My Body is Broken

I can't seem to catch a break, or more so, my body can't. 
I can count the amount of  chest infections I've had alone this year on both my hands, let alone the problems with my leg. Don't even get me started with the problems with my leg and the way it's effecting me mentally, but; I'm gonna tell you anyway..

About two years ago now, I was happy and on holiday in Ibiza, casually sunbathing, minding my own business, when I felt the weirdest sharp pain go up through my left left. I looked down and saw a sort of red patch forming, kind of like sun burn, so I went to chill in my room and didn't think anything more of it.

And that's where things go more wrong. 
My temperature sky rockets, I'm freezing cold, but boiling to the touch, hallucinating, sickness, you name it, I had it. Looking back now, I wouldn't even wish those symptoms on my worst enemy let alone myself (again). So, my (now ex) boyfriend at the time reluctantly wakes up and takes me to the front desk of the hotel we're staying at so they can call me an ambulance. Nope, no ambulances available, not at 3 in the morning apparently. Just my luck, so they call me a taxi. A taxi. By this time I'm hallucinating more than I had already, I'm trying not to be sick in the back of the taxi so the driver wont be super mad and I just remember thinking over and over "What the hell is my body doing". And then finally, we make it to the hospital, and it was all a blur from there really, I went in thinking I had Sunstroke and came out with Cellulitis and i'll be honest, my leg hasn't been the same since. I get times where I just want to cut it off my body it's that painful and awful to look at, and I know I shouldn't think like that but it was a really traumatic experience for me, being in a country I've never been to before, communicating with doctors via Google translate because we couldn't get a translator, being on a lot of pain killers and antibiotics, and remembering I just want to be home. 

Fast forward to now and I've had nothing but problems with the bloody thing. Non stop swelling, pain and quite a bit of crying. Countless doctors visits and being told that I should just keep my leg elevated, you sort of just give up trying to get it sorted or some sort of diagnosis, y'know? It's like no one believes how much pain I'm in with it so I might as well just dose myself up with pain killers and get on with it, so many others have it worse, so why should I complain?

I've got another Emergency doctors appointment this afternoon and the doctor mentioned something about a blood clot but that could be a worse case scenario and I'll be sent home again to 'elevate' my meat stick. I'll edit this blog post and let you all know later what happens, if anything. Fingers crossed something gets sorted. 
Life with Fibromyalgia/ Chronic Illness by bertha
Image Source

Edit: So it turns out I have Lymphoedema which you can read about more here. But basically it's a chronic condition that causes swelling. I have Secondary Lymphoedema which means damage was caused to the lymphatic system (where my Cellulitis comes in to play, yay) but it also causes me quite a bit of pain. I'm hoping now I know what it is properly I can manage it better but we'll see how things go for now. Thanks for caring about me <3

Weekend Wonders

Oh hai.

I thought it be about time I wrote another blog post, and what better time to do it then when you're sat at work, doing almost nothing, because you're the best-est employee ever who's finished all their work (Draw backs to being the best-est employee ever include: sitting and staring at a screen for more than three hours, finding puzzle games highly amusing, realizing you've had Google chrome installed on your work PC all along after finding it immensely painful using Internet Explorer). But now, I can jot some ideas down on my blog After I've done my work obviously, I'm no slacker (please don't fire me). 

Do you ever get it where the weekend goes really slow but really fast all at once? That's how it was for me this weekend, Friday and Saturday went by super slowly, but i blinked, Sunday was gone and here I am, a brand new work week. Perhaps Saturday went by ever so slowly because I may have been a little hungover from the night before - My best friend came down from Nottingham so myself and a couple other friends (I say friends, they're more like sisters) had drinks at mine, played card games and stayed up till stupid o'clock in the morning, and i'll be honest, it was one of the nicest nights I've had in a while where I've not gone outside, I think I prefer drinking at home. Is this what getting old is?

Sunday though wasn't that nice, it was one of the most bad mental health days I've had in a while, and while I have some every so often that I can shake off during the day, this one wouldn't budge. It was awful, I haven't felt that low in a long long time, and I can't think why I even felt like it in the first place, looking back to yesterday, it was mostly a blur, spent in bed or playing Tekken 7. (Do you realize how hard it is to play this game with a broken controller. Very).

And now, back to Monday, a brand new week and a fresh start and I'm feeling somewhat better about myself. Maybe it was the fact I ate breakfast this morning, which makes me wonder why I don't scoff down Toast and jam every morning because it's bloody delicious, or maybe it's because it wasn't that humid this morning - Who knows, I'm embracing the 'not feeling like crap' part whilst I still can. 

Pin for Later: 16 Hilarious, Real-Girl Fashion Quotes  Because squeezing into skinny jeans on a Monday is just . . . ugh.
Image Source

Oh! And before I forget, I'm looking at giving my blog a fresh face soon, so keep your eyes peeled for that! 

A New Beginning

Image Source
It's currently 11:10 pm, I'm wide awake and panicing.
I start my new job tomorrow.
You have no idea how much of a relief this is to me, after being unemployed for just over a year and having to live off benefits, i'll be finally making my own money through hard work which is all I've wanted this whole time, a Monday - Friday, weekends off, learning on the job kind of job. I've basically landed my dream job, and I'm terrified I'm going to fuck it up somehow. Fingers crossed. 

After a shit show of a week, here's to new beginnings. 

The Streamers Guide To Dealing With Trolls

Oh hai. 
Welcome to my version of 'The Streamers Guide To Dealing with Trolls'. I bet you're probably thinking, "Now Laura, what do you know about trolls and negativity and things like that". Sadly, I know quite a bit. More to the point where now whenever someone tries to be a troll in my Twitch chat, I'm just desensitised to it and laugh it off (The latest comment was that I looked like Vicky Pollard, but honestly I don't see a resemblance, maybe that person needs glasses). I'll be honest, I laugh off quite a few troll comments that come my way, it's the best thing to do when you're in that situation. From comments on my weight, to the way I look and how I act, I wouldn't say I've had it all, but I've had the jist of negativity thrown my way, and I thought I'd share ways I deal with it. Before, after and during. 

Image Source


Not a right here right now thing but some of the comments and accusations that have been made towards me have made me cry. Alot. Crying can be, in a weird way, therapeutic. Cry over what happened and move on.

They're not attacking you as a person, they're just bored.

Now this doesn't go for every online troll out there but these are some of the people I've dealt with. No one I know personally, or mutually, they've picked me 'just because'. People like this obviously have nothing better to do then ruin someone else's day so just remember the next time someone comes into your chat, online community, etc, the block feature is a wonderful thing.

Laugh at the situation.

A positive attitude can get you through almost anything, and while you can keep yourself from responding to a troll, it's almost impossible to ignore them all together. The best defence, that works for me anyway, is to just have a sense of humour, laugh at their comments along with them. Usually this deters them, seeing that their behaviour hasn't affected your mood at all and will eventually leave or in other cases, getting banned. 


Better yet, ignore the troll comments all together and wait for them to be purged from a moderator. Pretend they don't exist. 

Take some time out.

Self care is the most important thing. It's fairly easy to understand that a troll is the person with the problem in the first place, but that doesn't mean that it's easy to sweep some malicious comments under the carpet. Reach out in ways the trolls can't influence the people you love and your community that comments made aren't true and that you're a wonderful person. The troll is just a troll, not a reflection of you. 

It takes practice but the main goal in all of this is to just stop giving a shit about what other people think - especially those that have nothing useful to offer. 

JunkBae Comp PoTG

It's 2am, I should be in bed, but how can I sleep after this just happened? I'M SCREAMING.

Coffee Time

New year, new Coffee Time, about time I did one of these right? So lets get started for the first Coffee Time of 2018.. (About fucking time)..

Today’s Coffee:

Vanilla flat white. One sugar. What’s new there? If you haven't had one try one, they're delicious. 

What today has consisted of: 
Stayed in bed until noon. Again. Had a bit of a wierd day today. Took mumma bear to the doctors, all is well there, mooched around town for a bit, had a nice coffee, all that jazz. Also ended up having a little panic attack in the middle of Boots which was all but fun. I think the fact I start my new job next week is getting to me more and more, I'm absolutely shitting it.

Things that have made me happy today:
Coffee, food, video games, new shoes.

Things that have made me sad today: 
Promises made that haven't been fullfilled.

 Currently listening to:

Apologies for the short post but I'm just not feeling very chatty today but thought I'd update y'all anyways, have a lovely evening 

7 Ways To 'Fake It Till You Make It', As Told By Someone Who Fakes It Most Of The Time

Now, you're probably reading the title of this blog post and thinking "Laura, whatever do you mean 'fake it till you make it?". Confidence. That's what. For as long as I can remember, I've never been the most confident person on planet, there's been days I've barely left the house because of how I felt about myself and what I would think others would think of me, where as now, I couldn't give a rats ass of what others think of me. Sure, I have the occasional down day, who doesn't? But I'm past the point of caring what others think of me, If they have nothing better to do than point out my flaws then fuck them, fuck everyone who makes you feel shit for the bad comments they've made about you even when that person doesn't even know who you are as a person. 

Image Source

So Laura, what's with the ranty blog post you ask? Well, I see so many people nowadays slating people for being themselves and bringing people down that on days like that, they could use a pick me up, or what I like to call it, a Fake it till you make it scenario. 

So grab a cuppa, sit your butts down and prepare to read 'cause this maybe a long'n.

Step one - Act like you're confident, even if you don't think you are.

Now, I know this is easier said than done, but with some practice it's doable. Now, the way I do this personally (which is probably going to sound quite a bit sad) is watch your favourite Youtubers and watch the way they act. I'm not saying be like them, far from it, I mean the way they are in general, especially when around other people. Bubbly, happy, carefree and whatnot. Sometimes someone else's confidence can rub off on you. Train your mind to be more happy. Drink more water, take more risks, and eat the fourth piece of fried chicken. Make you happy. 

Step two - Do things you're good at.

Whether is baking a huge three tiered chocolate cake or just being awesome at a specific video game, sometimes doing the things you're good at, or even just reminding yourself of those things can give you a lil' confidence boost until you train yourself to believe it 24/7. You can do the thing! I believe in you!

Step three - Accept compliments.

Do you think your favourite celebrity responds to a compliment with, "Thanks but xxxx could have been better"? No, they probably smile, say "Thank you" and continue on with their day knowing that the compliment given was 100% true. In situations like that, you just got to think to yourself: What would my fav celeb do?

Step four - Body language.

That's right, the way you slump in that chair right there? It's basically another way of saying don't come near me, when really you're dying to get in with that conversation about who did what with a cucumber. So instead of slumping, pull yourself, up, use some body language, smile and make some awkward eye contact whilst also eyeing up the hot guy who you'd like to do some things with a cucumber.

Step five - Relax and switch off.

Treat yourself to some down time when you're having a really not feeling so hot day. Buy a couple of face masks, treat yourself to a takeaway and a bath with your favourite Lush bath bomb and love yourself. Sometimes days like these can lift you spirits in the end, even if it doesn't feel like it to stat with.

Step six - Don't over think it.

Now I know this is easier said than done. I can't count on my fingers anymore about how many times I've over-thought a situation that turned out okay in the end, which it will! The main thing for this is to actually talk to someone about it. Your friend, your mum, your dad, your sister, your brother even your cousin twice removed. Someone will always be there for you. Don't let that little voice in your head go "But they might have their own problems to deal with they don't need mine on top" Becuase that voice is bullshit. Someone will always be there to sit down, text, email, call and talk things through with you.

Step seven - Go DO stuff.

Go outside. Explore. Swim, run, roll, go to the cinema, eat and do whatever you want (within reason). Create a life for yourself where you can look back in so many years and think to yourself "I'm so glad I did that" Instead of "What If". Don't live your life on what ifs live your life the way you want. If you have difficulty in living life the way you want because of whatever reason, find friends to make it easier. Online, in real life, that one guy you sent a letter to who's currently in prison and probably would never actually want to meet in person. Find security in yourself and in your solitude. Be the best you that you can be. 

But most importantly, just do you. Consistently. People will eventually expect you to act as you do, and it won't ever be an issue. 
And if all else fails, listen to Katrina in your undies and sing into your hairbrush like the pop star you really are.

This is just a blog post to say..

I feel cute. 
It's amazing what a shower and some eyeliner can do after preasure washing the back garden most of the day and being covered head to toe in mud. 
Mumma bear wanted to take me out for dinner to say thank you, so here's my dumb face (not featuring the mud): 

I'm absolutely in love with this cardigen right now which I snatched up for £9 at Matalan, thank you very much. More body positive days please.

Beach Adventures

Today was a good day.
It's been a long time since I had a pretty decent mental health day but today was nice. No worries, no cares, no nothing. Just ocean, ice-cream and chocolate cake. (And obviously chicken).

Although it was due to be quite stormy today, mother nature suprised us and yet again gave us some beautiful weather, which was great for me after being stuck in the house for two days due do not having a shower; I'll give you the short version, my sister blocked the bath, no plumber available for two days, you get the jist of things. In the end, my hair was a giant grease ball, gross. Is that over sharing? Nah.

Me and my friends decided on a whim to head to Lyme Regis. I've never been there before personally, and neither have they so why not? 

And i'll be honest, it was bloody lovely. Sure, we should have gone earlier in the day, but the sea air and smell of fish and chips was bliss. 

It was just nice to get out of the house and breath. 

(I obviously Instagrammed the shit out of this photo)

For someone who spends most of their hours sat in front of a computer, it was just nice to switch off for once. I think everyone needs that once in a while, turn off the PC, but your phone on airplane mode and just take in the scenery.

Obviously it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. On the drive back mother nature decided it was time to piss down with rain, honestly, I've never seen rain come down so hard before, that added with thunder and lightning. Awe yiss. As we were coming home though it was so weird driving from a storm back into sunny weather, it was like, mother nature make up your mind. And then one of my friends tells me its supposed to snow again next weekend!? I honestly bloody hope it doesn't. I can't be dealing with anymore snow.

It was a lovely, spontaneous day. 
How did you spend your Saturday?

Not Worth Reading

Oh hai.
So, I'm gonna jump right into it but lately my mental health has taken a little (I say little, lets sugar coat it a bit, shall we? downturn. Recent life events have left me feeling a little broken. I won’t go into those events, that's an entirely different blog post all together for another day, but I just wanted to get what I'm writing here out of my head so it's not in there swirling around for the next few days..

I have no motivation to do anything, which is ridiculous because if anything my life is supposedly going great right now; New job, a horrible ex out of my life and blocked forever, slowly but surely becoming more healthy (ha!). But most days right now when I wake up I sometimes wish I didn't. As awful as that sounds, I find that most of the dreams I have right now are better than my reality, I've written some of them down for future reference (who knows, maybe I could make my weird dreams into something someday) and to see if any of the scenarios in my dreams conflict with reality but nothing, zilch, nada. I feel like my brain knows what's going on and trying to make the best out of a shit situation.

I know there's this whole stigma with people on social media who shouldn't write about their problems online and they should be happy all the time but truth is no one is happy all the time, if they are, I want whatever they're are taking. Life has it's ups and downs and I'm just having a major down moment in my life right now which is ridiculous. I have so much to look forward to; starting a new job, growing my stream, going to events and meeting people, but all that is at the back of my mind. I just feel a little bit broken.

Image Source

Like I said before, I just needed to get all this shit written down in front of me rather than swim in my head, personally, I find writing stuff down makes me feel at least 85% better since its out of my head in clear in front of me. Does that make sense? I'll snap out of it soon, I usually do. I just need to sort myself out and get out of this slump. If you find you're going through something similar don't hesitate to contact  me, because no one should go through anything like this alone. Surround yourself with friends, love and positivity. You can do this.

(P.S. Thanks for listening to me ramble, I'm just being a dumb dumb)

NIVEA Urban Skin Products Review*

Oh hai.

Long time no speak. I have so much to write about, but i'll save that for another blog post, for now, the lovely people over at BzzAgent offered me the change to test out Nivea's new Urban Skin products

In the package I recieved the following:

NIVEA Daily Essentials Urban Skin Defence +48H Moisture Boost Day Cream
NIVEA Daily Essentials Urban Skin Detox +48H Moisture Boost Night Gel Cream
NIVEA Daily Essentials 1 Minute Urban Detox Mask - Purify & Pore Refine
✧ Sample packs to share with friends

I've decided to write about these in order, just to lessen the confusion and make it easier for you guys to know what I'm talking about, so starting from the top, here we go:

The thing that attracted me most to the day cream was the fact that is has SPF 20. I have sensitive skin as it is, so more protection from the sun really appealed to me. Apon opening the product I was welcomed to a weird green cream colour, different but it didn't bother me. The cream felt nice to apply, I only needed to apply a small amount, I found my skin would feel sticky if I applied too much (and even if it did smell a little artificial) I think I'm going to start applying this everyday.

In the few days I've used this I can already tell my skin looks and feels so much better. Personally, I feel like the product itself is more of a gel than a cream, and again, green in colour, it doesn't feel my face feel greasy or sticky unlike the day cream.

I've tried both the face masks a few times now and can honestly say that after applying it my skin felt amazing. I sometimes get dry patches around my face and found that after using this they are almost completly gone! It's quick and easy to use and leaves my skin feeling lovely. The only downside I'd say for both of these products is to be careful if you have sensitive skin because the scrub can be quite harsh on your face if you're not careful.

Although the weird green colour, the scents of these products are lovely, and i'd definitly reccomend it to my friends with dry skin like myself.

* I am a BzzAgent and recieved this product for free in exchange for a review. All opinions are my own and are not influenced in any way by any party but myself.

Fractured Feet

They say shit comes in threes don't they? Well; so far this year I've managed to shave off my middle fingernail, (yes, shave, I didn't even know this was possible to do until I actually did it) fracture two of my toes on my left foot, and fractured a bone in my right foot. How did this happen you may ask? Well, drunk Laura got pushed down some stairs in a nightclub. I'll be honest, I don't remember much from that night, apart from going down like a sack of potatoes and crying in pain. Stupidly, I didn't go to the hospital straight away for an x-ray like any normal person, oh no, I spent the entire day, crying in pain, extremely hungover and feeling sorry for myself. This is what I get for trying to go out and socialise. 

Image Source

The above quote is what I keep trying to tell myself. Some pain is temporary, but this feels like it's lasted an eternity already. It couldn't all be just in one foot, oh no, I'm the fool who does it in both. I spent almost three hours in the hospital on Monday, seeing the nurses, begging for the strongest pain relief they had, having x-rays and what not, thank goodness for the NHS, thanks to them, I'm now a proud owner of a pair of crutches (which really are a bugger to get the hang of using).

On a happier note; Happy Valentines Day! Yay! 
My boyfriend suprised me this morning with the most beautiful flowers and chocolates and I know he's got something else planned up his sleeve that I don't know what. Bless him. 

Since we couldn't spend today together, we're having our own little Valentines weekend together - I feel like we're too cute for our own good, like in our own little ways; it kind of makes me sick.. In a good way obviously.. 

Well, that's a little update for y'all, if anything else breaks or something interesting happens, i'll be sure to tell you all.


January Feelings

Holy moly, it's the end of January already, a new month, a new start, new days to achieve something, or ultimatly, spend the whole month in bed; I wouldn't put this idea past myself. If I'm honest, I feel like this month has gone way too quickly..

January for me is usually quite miserable, doubting my exsistance, generally feeling like shit after getting the whole 'new year new me' crap into my head, and ultimatly not going through with it, again, but this year has been somewhat different. Sure, I'm not feeling 100% sunshine and rainbows but I met someone amazing, and we finally became 'a thing' at the beginning of January which obviously made the start of my year 99.8% better than it was last year. I wont lie, last year I went into 2017 miserable as fuck, I wasn't happy with myself, the situation I was in, but now, I feel like a totally different person, and I'm okay with this. 

Image Source

I want to be more spontanious this year, say yes to more things, not worry about how much it may or may not cost, just have a fuck it year, not care about the consequences (y'know, unless I'll end up in prison, maybe that'll be the limit) do more things that scare me like driving and travelling to over populated areas and eat whatever the fuck I want and not care what people think. Live life on the edge. (If I'm honest, my version of 'live life on the edge' right now, is ordering spicy chicken instead of just normal). 

I guess I'm just rambling here but what I'm trying to say is I'd like to come out of my shell a bit more, I'm 23 and I'm not getting any younger, thinking back to my 16 year old self, I thought by now I would be married and have my own place, etc, but life has a funny way of working stuff out for you in the end, I'll get there, slowly but surely. Here's to more adventures and growing into a (anti) social butterfly!

This Is A Sad Post

 So as I sit here, post shower, pretty much naked and feeling sorry for myself, I thought I'd write myself a little posty post. 
Really not feeling myself at all today. I'm not really sure why, I just feel a little bit broken. 

Image Source

I think I'm just having one of those days where everything is shitty, you have no motivation to do anything; All you want to do is stay in bed, binge on fried chicken and cry whilst watching Love Actually.. Can anyone else relate? 

I feel like I'm stuck in a rutt, part of this year already has been lovely, but my current outlook for the rest of the year looks so bleak to me - Still unemployed, still no motivation to get off my butt, still little to no social life, It's getting to the point where it's more than depressing, it's draining - Relying on a job and money for my own happyness/sanity, how sad is that? 

Sorry, don't mind me, just headbutting my keyboard, wondering when i'll eventually be employed by someone.

Like I said, writting today off, tomorrow will be better.

Toodlepip x

2017 Can Eff Off

I thought it was about time to make a 'new year new me' kind of post for 2018, but as I sit here staring at a blank page thinking of all shit I personally went through last year I can honestly say 2017 can fuck off forever. The past three or so years have been nothing but an emotional rollercoaster and I'm ready to get off. 
It's the beginning (well, middle of) a fresh year and I find it always the best time to reflect on the year that's past; celebrating lovely moments and learning from the not so lovely ones, and let me tell you, there has been more not so lovely moments, than actual lovely ones, but this year, I'd like to change that.

I've decided I need to 'de-clutter' myself, my life, possibly my personality too? - I need to stop being such a push over, basically, rejuvenate myself if you will. I let people walk all over me, just because it's easier that way, I let them get their way, and then move on, seeing that person happy, and leaving me feeling like shit. It's kind of sad to see that written down and reading it back to myself but it's true. I feel like in the past few years I've given out so much to people and recieved next to nothing in return -  Anyone who truely knows me, knows I absolutly hate confrontation, and i'll do anything not to get myself into any sort of situation which involves any of the sort, and I mainly think this is why I get myself into so many shitty situations because I'd rather hide from them than face them, and whilst it's a scary thought to face up to your fears, your bullies, your fake friends, surely in the long run your life would be so much better for it? 

Which is why I've choosen 2018 to be my 'Take no bullshit' year. Cutting the bullshit from my life completly (almost). How's it going so far? Not good, but not bad either. I've started to cut ties with people who I feel are no longer good for me mentally, and whilst it hurts to do that to both parties (I'd like to think) I know that in the long run it will be better. I'm trying to surround myself with more positive people, tyring to get out and do more things. Keep myself busy whilst still looking for work (I've been out of work for a year now and it's literally the most depressing thing ever, to anyone who reads this and is hiring feel free to email me okay? Cheeky? Yes, do I regret that? No.) I even met someone last year who has been nothing but amazing to me, and he makes me feel all nice and tingly and I'd like to think I do the same for him.  

I want to do more things that scare me, challenge me, require me to actually get out of bed. Y'know, be an actual functioning human for once in my life, that kind of thing. I feel like this year i'll learn more about myself and who I am as a person than I ever have before and I think that's what I'm most afraid of. Everyone strives to be that person who has all their shit together. And if you're already that person, good on you, I'm getting their myself, slowly but surely. And hopefully this time next year, when I re-read this post, I'll almost be a completly different person, in a good way, obviously. 

For now though, there's no way I'm giving up my coffee addiction, I'm about to make my seventh cup today, I mean, hey, at least I'm showered, out of bed and sort of dressed, so that's an achievement itself, right? What did you achieve today? Lemme know in the comments!