So as I sit here at my work desk I find little or no motivation to carry on with any of the coursework I'm supposed to be doing. I'll stare at the screen for a few hours hoping something will come to my head but then nothing comes into my mind for me to write. Honestly, I din't think a Business apprenticeship would be so hard, but when it asks me to explain things like 'Tax liabilities' and ask me to explain about every work act under the sun, my brain just goes into full on melt down mode.
Not even a usual melt down, like anxiety ridden, more like the nope I'm not doing this today melt down. 
So I try and sit here to gain motivation to at least write something in my own words that I found on Google but still nothing. It's like my brain doesn't want to work at all. And then I get the "You're so useless you can't do anything" thought in my head, which I know I can, I just have no motivation to. How do I get that motivation back?
Honestly I cannot wait for my upcoming annual leave, I know I've only been here a few months but my brain feels frazzled and I need time to re-charge. 
And a nap.. A nap sounds good right now. 

Why I love Blogging

Back in 2015 I decided to open up Just Laura, my blog. My motivation for it was to share stories of my doings, some sorts of reviews and general crap I deemed interesting to write about at the time. My first ever blog post which you can find here was literally me just ranting on about how I'd just opened the blog and what you can expect. I will admit there have been times where my blog has had little to no activity which looking back I really regret. I love writing, it's the only activity I do that keeps me a bit sane, when I can think of something to write about any way, and I see other bloggers with different backgrounds like beauty bloggers, mum bloggers, lifestyle bloggers and I questioned for a while what category I came under and whether I should keep blogging or not, and then I thought, why should I fall under any category? Why can't my blog be a Laura category or me category, I started out writing this blog with myself in mind, why not keep doing so?

And so I am going to keep doing so, and for the few people who do read my blog, and have done over these weird and wonderful three years, thank you. I appreciate you. 

I'm hoping in the upcoming months my blog will have a little more consistency to it in regards to posting but I'm not promising anything, just know that I have quite a few posts in my drafts right now and a few ideas I'd like to write about in the future so keep an eye out for that. In the mean time, just expect random rants and thoughts from myself.
What would you like me to write about? Let me know in the comments and I could make a post about it!

Toodlepip xx

Hello, August

Another month has passed, and here I am welcoming August with a big hello, or should I say, a resentful one. Don't get me wrong, I love summer as much as the next person, but when it comes with 30C heat on continuous days and working with little ventilation or AC you start to wonder when will it ever be cold again.  
Being more on the chubbier side has its perks, especially in Winter because I'm well insulated but in the summer I just resent this body because of how hot it is and that it sweats in places I never knew you could sweat. My whole diet right now is anything cold, albeit, Ice-cream is not the healthiest thing to live on.. Perhaps I should move onto ice cubes (I'm kidding do not even attempt to live of ice cubes). But really, how does anyone cope in this heat? Sure, it's nice when we're abroad, but us Brits aren't built for this kind of weather, we've built houses to keep heat in, with no air conditioning and everyone fighting over a little plugged in fan if you're lucky. 

So with it being a new month, and me not sticking to any of the goals that I originally had planned for myself this year, at all, I thought it might be a good idea to make mini goals each month that should be slightly easier to stick to, so that I can implement them into my everyday routine.

  • Walk more 
As boring as it sounds to me, walk more, even if it's just around my work. I need to get out and about and moving more rather than take naps every time I get home from work. I know this isn't at all good for me but my sleeping schedule is pretty much non-existent right now and I'm running on three to four hours sleep when it should be eight. It's just finding the motivation to actually go outside and get out and about rather than give into the nap urges..

  • Completely cut out fizzy drinks
They're not good for me, my body, my teeth. Whats the point? Sure they taste nice at the time but honestly I don't feel good after I've downed an entire bottle of coca cola. Switching fizzy drinks for water will be better for me in the long run, especially for my skin!

  • See a movie
I haven't been to the cinema in ages! It's good to get out sometimes and I think seeing a movie will do just the trick. Have you guys got any recommendations for me? 

  • Fix my non-existent sleep schedule
I really need to stop napping and start sleeping at normal times because going to bed around 1am and then waking up for 6am to start a nearly eight hour work day is really starting to take it's toll on my body. I want to start switching my computer off around 11:30pm just to begin with and then get straight into bed. (I should also probably stop endlessly scrolling through Instagram when I'm in bed too..)

  • Stream more
Ha, Laura, you're so funny. But really, I miss streaming and I should do it more often but I freeze when I click the go live button and my anxieties take over. "No one wants to watch you when there's someone better". I need to stop listening to that and remember the reason why I started streaming in the first place. To make friends. Don't get me wrong, I've met some amazing people through Twitch who I wouldn't be without now but I'd love to grow our little Lizard club some more since it's been a little quiet lately. I've decided to try and stream  one consecutive day a week, then up that when I feel more confident, and I know one stream day doesn't sound like much but to me it really is. It's something I'm working on so please bare with me whilst I do and thank you to those who are already doing so ❤️

So there it is. My thoughts and feelings and goals of this month, I guess we'll see how much I stick to and how much I don't (again). Wish me luck!

What I do to stay creative

When it comes to any type of creative thing, from writing, to drawing to painting to baking, everyone can reach a wall where they think "Now what?" Doing the same thing can become a little mundane after after a while. It's important to shake things up a bit with the entire creative process, which can be daunting but also really exciting. I thought I'd share some of the things I do to keep my creative juices flowing, I'm not saying you have to do them too, but maybe implement one or two into your creative routine to mix things up a bit and keep your creative brain flowing.

I find keeping a diary and writing in it first thing in the morning can jump start your creativity. Even if its just a sentence, or a reminder it's still something. 

Keep an idea journal with you at all time
Again this could be the diary you write in in the morning or a completely new book to carry with you all together (I found a really cute organised I want but can't justify spending £40 on it, ouch!) when inspiration strikes, record it into your journal whilst your idea is still fresh in your memory.

Use sticky notes
Record thoughts on sticky notes and rearrange these later into flow charts that fit your specific projects. I used to have little watermelon shaped stickies because I'm sad like that.

Make lists
My favorite thing to do is make lists. It's an easy and simple way to get lots of ideas out quickly and I find you write more than you expect once you've started. 

Break your routine
Do something out of the ordinary, go for a walk or for a coffee and a weird time and just people watch. Get your blood pumping, doing the same things over and over can eventual make your mind go dull, breaking that habit can make you do something exciting and new!

Tidy up your Office/Desk/Work space
There's nothing I find more distracting than an untidy desk, an untidy desk is an untidy mind. A clean space will clean your mind and conjure up your creativity. 

It's okay to experiment and try new and scary things. Trying something new with your project can be daunting at first but listen to what your gut tells you and go for something you haven't done before.

I find creating vision boards on sites like Pinterest can help you see and create new and inspiring things.

Like I said before, it can be daunting trying something new but sometimes the best things come out of being nervous about something. What are your ways of keeping creative? Tell me in the comments!

My Music Tastes

This is gonna be a short and sweet post today but better than no blog post at all, right?

There's a fair few of you out there who may know my 'marmite' music tastes, you'll either love them or hate them. Over the years I've come across various tracks and playlists and finally created my own which I can only describe it as an organised mess so I thought why not share that with you guys? 

Below is my current up to date playlist that I'm listening to 99% of the time. 
(The other 1% of the time I'm napping.)

Wishlist Wednesday | July 2018

Oh hai
I've recently seen a lot of these types of posts, where people make mini wishlist's of stuff they may or may not want to buy on pay day which I thought was a really good idea, a way to keep track of the stuff you might spend (and hopefully not waste) money on.  So, I thought I'd jump on the band wagon. 

  • Moon Phases Wall Art - (link)
Not necessarily an essential but I've had my eye on this piece of artwork for a while. I've never really owned wall art apart from a few posters here and there over the years, but something about this just makes me love it so much. Maybe a birthday present for the near future? *Hint hint nudge nudge*.

  •  Precisely, My brow Eyebrow Pencil - (link)
One of my go to beauty products is the Benefit Precisely, my brow Eyebrow pencil. Slightly on the pricier side than other make-up brands I've seen but this is my all time favorite brow product to use because it makes me look like I actually have brows rather than non at all. (I use shade 2 if anyone is interested.)  

  • BADgal BANG! Volumising Mascara - (link)
I've yet to try this mascara but I've heard really good reviews about it. I'm currently using the Barry M That's How I Roll Waterproof mascara but I feel like I'm getting little to no product on my lashes at all. I want BIG lashes not lashes that look unkempt. 

  • On Point Precision Eyeliner - (link)
Yet another one of my go to Barry  products, this is the only eyeliner I have used that doesn't seem to melt off of my face or leave an imprint on the top of my eyelids (unless it's really hot).

  • ASOS Curve Ditsy Lace Tea Dress - (link)
I've had my eye on this dress for a while, a little out of my comfort zone with the way the middle is a little see through but I think I could rock this dress, especially with how hot it is in the UK right now.

  • Hello Kitty x ASOS Curve Over sized Tee (link)
Okay but why wouldn't I want this? It's adorable, I plan to get it in a couple of sizes bigger than what I am to use it more as a lounging tee than a going out one. 

I think I did pretty well for my first wish list don't you? 
What have you guys got your eyes on?

Brain Dump

Oh hai, 
I'm not really sure where i'll be going with this post so you'll have to bare with me - I've had a lot of things on my mind lately that I feel would be written down. I'm not even sure if i'll publish this but we'll see. 

For about a week now I've felt my anxiety creep up on me again and I'm not sure why, I have nothing to worry about, nothing to stress about, I feel like my brain is just out of wack right now. I've been forcing myself to go to work, all I want to do is stay in bed and cry. I'll sleep for hours on end then stay up till stupid o'clock in the morning. I'm not eating properly, trying to eat breakfast regularly has gone out the window then when I do eat it's in large quantities and late at night. Then I feel like crap for eating, so i'll eat more to feel better and so the vicious cycle continues. I don't know how to break it. I can't go out for walks or barely put any pressure on my leg because it will just swell up and i'll be in agony. I've thought about getting a swim membership but I can barely afford that on apprenticeship wages, I can just about afford rent and my phone bill. I feel like all my stresses and anxieties are towards money sometimes but I have nothing to worry about in that retrospect anymore so then I go on to think what else it could be. 

I have little to no self worth or confidence right now either. I used to get up in the morning and put make-up on to make myself socially acceptable, now I'm lucky if I even put on mascara. I know make-up isn't the be all and end all when it comes to stuff like this but even I thought that was out of character for me. I feel like I'm doing bad in my job and no one really wants me there because I basically do nothing. I'm barely trained to do anything and anything I do get to do I feel like I'm doing it wrong and then it's worrying over getting in trouble. I've had four sicknesses in two months too so that's another worry swirling around in my head like "oh gosh please don't fire me". 

I'm also getting to feeling guilty for every little thing I do. "Oh you wanna have friends over? Well that's not fair on the people you live with", or "Oh you wanna go away for a bit next month? But i'll be alone". Like, it's not fair, I want to have a life to but I feel like I can't because my brain stops me from doing the things I want to do. I want to go back to the gym but feel like I can't and that my leg will stop me, any progress I did have with the gym is just gone, so what's the point of going back, I might as well just stay the way I am forever. 

All in all, my self worth and self confidence is at an all time low. I feel my anxiety crawling back and I can't pinpoint why. All I want to do is nap and cry. 

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Bright side to all this, I'm not doing nothing about it. I have a therapy session amongst other things coming up so I shall let you all know how that goes next week.


Summer Rant

I know I shouldn't take the warm summer weather we have now for granted but wow I sure wish it would cool down a bit here. It's been over 23C for almost a month now and I've forgotten what the cold and rain feel like.
Yes, I know what you're thinking, "oh god she's one of those people who complains a lot." but aren't we all really? I know as soon as it starts getting cooler again i'll turn around and make some comment about it being too cold and that how I wish we had the warm sun again but Oh god I've been sweating in places I didn't know you could sweat. I get to the point where I think to myself "should I invest in a fan", think "nah it's going to be cooler tomorrow" but boy was I wrong. Being on holiday in this heat would at least be less torture since you have a pool you can jump into whenever you want but here you're lucky if you get a cold shower for over four minutes, even then, when you come out of that you're not sure if you're wet from the shower or wet from sweat - you can't win. 

What I'm trying to say is, excuse me sun but can you bugger off for a couple of days so we can all cool down a bit at least, that would be nice.

A sweaty lady

Comfort Food

As if I don't talk about food on here enough already why not take the best topic of all and rant on about that for a bit? What topic do you ask? Why, the joyful world of comfort food of course. Now I am a massive comfort eater, someone upsets me or I'm having a bad mental health day even a little bit and I'm straight to the shops for biscuits (That being said, biscuits is not one of them..) but we all have different food we grab form the shop or cupboard when we're having a bad day, so I thought I'd tell you a couple of mine, because honestly, If I told you all of them, we'd be here for a few weeks.

Not really a food, but I'm counting drinks too, any kind off coffee, latte, macchiato, flat white, are just a few of my favorites but i'll settle for store brought if needs be. Cappuccinos are a big no no. 

Fried Chicken
Because why wouldn't it be? Those of you who know me know that I love fried chicken. I would take a bullet for fried chicken and it's crispy golden deliciousness. 

Strawberry Cables
Because sugar. And strawberry. What more do you want?

Ben and Jerry's in particular, I would happily sit and eat an entire tub of the stuff, feel super bad otherwise then cry because I don't have anymore left. 

Chicken & mushroom slices
I have a thing for more savory foods right now, and although I couldn't sit and eat like more than three of these things in one go, I always seem to be grabbing one when I'm in a low mood. 

The worst one of them all. I've managed to cut all other fizzy drinks besides Coca-cola, I don't know why, I just can't quit it. 

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And those are just a few of my personal favorites. A little more insight into my hectic life if you will. What's your favorite comfort food? Lemme know in the comments!

5 Ideas For Humorous Birthday Gifts

So it's just gone 11am on a Friday morning and my brain is officially burnt out. All I can think about is how much I want to nap right now, and that seven hours from now i'll be collapsing into bed. However, recent conversations occurring in Discord have left me chucking in my office chair. Asking some of my friends what I should write about, my friend Dom (Who also has a blog and you should totally read it) suggested humorous birthday gifts, and whilst I thought this was a really good idea, the thought of writing about a chocolate penis at work and then having questions brought up about it put me off the idea a bit, so I thought I'd write this little section you're reading now, and write the fun stuff later, sound like a good idea? EDIT: I totally wrote this in work, please don't fire me. 

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Now, with some research and a lot* of effort, here are a five things I consider to be humorous birthday gifts, or gifts for any occasions, why wait for just birthdays? 

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

1. Mushions

Now I know what you're thinking, what the heck is a Mushion? Well my friend, a Mushion is a cushion with someone's face on it. My face, your face, even your grandmas face, who wouldn't want of of these. These can be found on Firebox and can be yours for as little as £16 so why don't you treat your best friend to a Mushion of your face, then they can wake up and see how beautiful you are every morning. You can find them here.  

2. I'm a Tw@t mug

Let's face it, everyone likes a good mug, myself included so why not treat your friends, colleagues or even you mum to this funny little mug. (Okay maybe not your boss or your mum but you get the picture.) I found this one on Asos for £5! Steal! 

3. Tiny hands

That's right. Tiny hands. Who doesn't want tiny hands? I know I do, why be appropriate in any situation when you can make it inappropriate? And they can be yours from £5! I found them here

4. F*cking Strong Coffee

For all coffee lovers out there, why sleep when you can have F*cking Strong Coffee?
This powerful blend of Brazilian and Honduran Arabica Coffee is strong, flavorsome and full of dark treacle, cocoa and liquorice undertones. Yum. You can grab this from Firebox for £10 on its own, as a set or even as a Liqueur!

5. Eat a Dick

Literally. I thought I'd save the best for last. Tell someone to Eat a Dick in the nicest way possible, by presenting them with something like this. Why wouldn't you want to? It's tall, dark, and delicious, everything a woman (or man, or whatever you identity as) could want. And the best part? It's not hollow. So grab yours, literally, while you still can from Firebox

I just thought it be a good idea to mention that this is in no way a paid promotion just something I thought I'd do for fun, unless hey, Firebox, wanna send me some stuff to review? My inbox is waiting, heh. 

*Absolutely little to no effort was put into finding these gifts you'd be surprised with the amount of junk I find on the internet but it was still fun.

JunkBae Surprise PoTG

Thought I'd dump this here - Ya girls gettin' her mojo back!


Oh hai

Long time no see, again. Life has been very busy for me right now, busy as in working, taking naps and then playing video games with my boyfriend. But I was just talking with my work colleagues and we're all baffled about how it's already half way through July!? Where has the time gone? It's ridiculous how fast this year has gone already. I've been in my job for almost three months now doing a year long apprenticeship and it's scary to think I only have nine months of that left, which seems like a lot when its written down but when the days and months are going past as fast as they are I reckon it will fly by. 

Honestly, I'm trying to stop with the whole naps in the afternoon thing, but I'm so exhausted by the time I get home I instantly pass out in bed, I could be scrolling through my Twitter feed and fall asleep and then wake up hours later in the same position which in my opinion is weird.  It's not like I'm not getting enough sleep at night either, I'll usually nap around 4:30pm, wake up at either 6pm or 8pm then go back to bed at around midnight and wake up at 6am the next day for work. It's just so hard trying to find something to do to keep myself awake and busy as to not nap. I could stream, but my motivation for streaming right now is next to zero, I don't know why but I hope my spark for it comes back soon because I do miss it, but for now I'll enjoy being a lurker in peoples chats again. 

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As for the healthy thing I was blabbering on about in this post. It's obviously gone in a downward spiral because hey, it's me, why wouldn't it? I was tracking calories, making sure i wasn't having any fizzy drinks and trying to be as active as I could during the work day. Now I've stopped eating breakfast and just eat whatever when I'm home. I don't know why I'm like this, I want to better myself and not be at risk of diabetes or whatever but right now I'm just like "meh". I have the shittiest mindset right now when it comes to physical health, I feel like eventually if I don't sort myself out, surgery will be my only option.
My mental health has been better recently too, albeit, I'm on a lower mood today than i have been, but not nearly half as bad as I have been in the past, it's nice to wake up and not have intrusive or negative thoughts, and any I do have get written down and torn up later. 
I have a doctors appointment after work now too, for those of you who don't know, I had cellulitis around two years ago which has just ruined my entire lower left leg. I now suffer with Secondary Lymphoedema  which makes my entire lower left leg swell up, and yes, it is quite painful. Still though, others have it worse than me so I shouldn't complain but I still do have days where I think "why me". 

In the long run I hope that things will get better but I'm having a hard time right now to see any positives that could come out of my situation. I'll get there eventually, these things take time right?

Trying To Be Healthy (Again..)

Oh hai,

So I decided to take control of my health (again). Obviously because of the problems with my leg, I'm going to take it easy on the exercise side of things for now, and hopefully taking up swimming again later. I still have little to no motivation for 'being healthy' because "I'm fat already what difference is it going to make?". But if it means I'll be in less pain with my leg, happier and healthier I'm willing to try literally everything; Whilst I still have the mentality to anyways. 

Any who, for the past few days I've been logging what I eat onto the My fitness pal app, I've done this in the past and it seemed to work for me since I could see what I've been eating, how many calories it had and all that fun stuff but it's harder for me to keep track of everything than I remember. Maybe it's because I'm in such a bad state of mind with all things 'Healthy' but I find it such a struggle sometimes to log everything and stay under my calorie goal (which I've made to be no more than 1,500 calories per day). 
Another struggle I've had is forcing myself to eat breakfast. From someone who's never eaten breakfast before to now eating it everyday my body is sort in what's going on mode.  I'll admit, toast and jam probably isn't the most healthiest of breakfasts, but something is better than nothing for me right now, just while I'm getting used to it at least, and then I can go on to switch it out for something more healthier and less packed with sugar. 

I found I've been sleeping a lot more too. I'm a regular napper, a nap queen if you will. But I'm trying so hard to not nap so I can sleep all through the night rather than go to bed at stupid o'clock and wake up at 6am because I'm I've had a four hour nap, and just being tired and sluggish for the rest of the next day. I'll admit, my new medication makes me RIDICULOUSLY tired, but I needed to find a better time to take them because usually taking them around 7pm makes me shattered for 8pm then i'll sleep all through until 6am which I feel is a stupid amount of sleep. I've decided though to only take this medication every other day from now on, If the sleeping side effect wares off eventually. I don't want to have withdrawals from not taking them. 

Any who, I'm not going to go and throw how much I weigh around here right now but my first goal is to loose 25lbs, then 50lbs, then 7lbs, and I think you get it from there. Ultimatly, I'd love to loose around 100lbs (45kg or 7 stone, however you read it), And that really is a lot of weight but I want this to be a slow process, not a happen all at once then pile the weight back on one. 

 These Quotes about Weight Loss Are Hilarious - and Motivating ... Learn More>> www.healthandfitn...
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So it's officially on my blog, Laura is trying to be healthy (again). Shall we place bets on how long I'll last this time? Buahaha.

My Body is Broken

I can't seem to catch a break, or more so, my body can't. 
I can count the amount of  chest infections I've had alone this year on both my hands, let alone the problems with my leg. Don't even get me started with the problems with my leg and the way it's effecting me mentally, but; I'm gonna tell you anyway..

About two years ago now, I was happy and on holiday in Ibiza, casually sunbathing, minding my own business, when I felt the weirdest sharp pain go up through my left left. I looked down and saw a sort of red patch forming, kind of like sun burn, so I went to chill in my room and didn't think anything more of it.

And that's where things go more wrong. 
My temperature sky rockets, I'm freezing cold, but boiling to the touch, hallucinating, sickness, you name it, I had it. Looking back now, I wouldn't even wish those symptoms on my worst enemy let alone myself (again). So, my (now ex) boyfriend at the time reluctantly wakes up and takes me to the front desk of the hotel we're staying at so they can call me an ambulance. Nope, no ambulances available, not at 3 in the morning apparently. Just my luck, so they call me a taxi. A taxi. By this time I'm hallucinating more than I had already, I'm trying not to be sick in the back of the taxi so the driver wont be super mad and I just remember thinking over and over "What the hell is my body doing". And then finally, we make it to the hospital, and it was all a blur from there really, I went in thinking I had Sunstroke and came out with Cellulitis and i'll be honest, my leg hasn't been the same since. I get times where I just want to cut it off my body it's that painful and awful to look at, and I know I shouldn't think like that but it was a really traumatic experience for me, being in a country I've never been to before, communicating with doctors via Google translate because we couldn't get a translator, being on a lot of pain killers and antibiotics, and remembering I just want to be home. 

Fast forward to now and I've had nothing but problems with the bloody thing. Non stop swelling, pain and quite a bit of crying. Countless doctors visits and being told that I should just keep my leg elevated, you sort of just give up trying to get it sorted or some sort of diagnosis, y'know? It's like no one believes how much pain I'm in with it so I might as well just dose myself up with pain killers and get on with it, so many others have it worse, so why should I complain?

I've got another Emergency doctors appointment this afternoon and the doctor mentioned something about a blood clot but that could be a worse case scenario and I'll be sent home again to 'elevate' my meat stick. I'll edit this blog post and let you all know later what happens, if anything. Fingers crossed something gets sorted. 
Life with Fibromyalgia/ Chronic Illness by bertha
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Edit: So it turns out I have Lymphoedema which you can read about more here. But basically it's a chronic condition that causes swelling. I have Secondary Lymphoedema which means damage was caused to the lymphatic system (where my Cellulitis comes in to play, yay) but it also causes me quite a bit of pain. I'm hoping now I know what it is properly I can manage it better but we'll see how things go for now. Thanks for caring about me <3

Weekend Wonders

Oh hai.

I thought it be about time I wrote another blog post, and what better time to do it then when you're sat at work, doing almost nothing, because you're the best-est employee ever who's finished all their work (Draw backs to being the best-est employee ever include: sitting and staring at a screen for more than three hours, finding puzzle games highly amusing, realizing you've had Google chrome installed on your work PC all along after finding it immensely painful using Internet Explorer). But now, I can jot some ideas down on my blog After I've done my work obviously, I'm no slacker (please don't fire me). 

Do you ever get it where the weekend goes really slow but really fast all at once? That's how it was for me this weekend, Friday and Saturday went by super slowly, but i blinked, Sunday was gone and here I am, a brand new work week. Perhaps Saturday went by ever so slowly because I may have been a little hungover from the night before - My best friend came down from Nottingham so myself and a couple other friends (I say friends, they're more like sisters) had drinks at mine, played card games and stayed up till stupid o'clock in the morning, and i'll be honest, it was one of the nicest nights I've had in a while where I've not gone outside, I think I prefer drinking at home. Is this what getting old is?

Sunday though wasn't that nice, it was one of the most bad mental health days I've had in a while, and while I have some every so often that I can shake off during the day, this one wouldn't budge. It was awful, I haven't felt that low in a long long time, and I can't think why I even felt like it in the first place, looking back to yesterday, it was mostly a blur, spent in bed or playing Tekken 7. (Do you realize how hard it is to play this game with a broken controller. Very).

And now, back to Monday, a brand new week and a fresh start and I'm feeling somewhat better about myself. Maybe it was the fact I ate breakfast this morning, which makes me wonder why I don't scoff down Toast and jam every morning because it's bloody delicious, or maybe it's because it wasn't that humid this morning - Who knows, I'm embracing the 'not feeling like crap' part whilst I still can. 

Pin for Later: 16 Hilarious, Real-Girl Fashion Quotes  Because squeezing into skinny jeans on a Monday is just . . . ugh.
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Oh! And before I forget, I'm looking at giving my blog a fresh face soon, so keep your eyes peeled for that! 

A New Beginning

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It's currently 11:10 pm, I'm wide awake and panicing.
I start my new job tomorrow.
You have no idea how much of a relief this is to me, after being unemployed for just over a year and having to live off benefits, i'll be finally making my own money through hard work which is all I've wanted this whole time, a Monday - Friday, weekends off, learning on the job kind of job. I've basically landed my dream job, and I'm terrified I'm going to fuck it up somehow. Fingers crossed. 

After a shit show of a week, here's to new beginnings. 

The Streamers Guide To Dealing With Trolls

Oh hai. 
Welcome to my version of 'The Streamers Guide To Dealing with Trolls'. I bet you're probably thinking, "Now Laura, what do you know about trolls and negativity and things like that". Sadly, I know quite a bit. More to the point where now whenever someone tries to be a troll in my Twitch chat, I'm just desensitised to it and laugh it off (The latest comment was that I looked like Vicky Pollard, but honestly I don't see a resemblance, maybe that person needs glasses). I'll be honest, I laugh off quite a few troll comments that come my way, it's the best thing to do when you're in that situation. From comments on my weight, to the way I look and how I act, I wouldn't say I've had it all, but I've had the jist of negativity thrown my way, and I thought I'd share ways I deal with it. Before, after and during. 

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Not a right here right now thing but some of the comments and accusations that have been made towards me have made me cry. Alot. Crying can be, in a weird way, therapeutic. Cry over what happened and move on.

They're not attacking you as a person, they're just bored.

Now this doesn't go for every online troll out there but these are some of the people I've dealt with. No one I know personally, or mutually, they've picked me 'just because'. People like this obviously have nothing better to do then ruin someone else's day so just remember the next time someone comes into your chat, online community, etc, the block feature is a wonderful thing.

Laugh at the situation.

A positive attitude can get you through almost anything, and while you can keep yourself from responding to a troll, it's almost impossible to ignore them all together. The best defence, that works for me anyway, is to just have a sense of humour, laugh at their comments along with them. Usually this deters them, seeing that their behaviour hasn't affected your mood at all and will eventually leave or in other cases, getting banned. 


Better yet, ignore the troll comments all together and wait for them to be purged from a moderator. Pretend they don't exist. 

Take some time out.

Self care is the most important thing. It's fairly easy to understand that a troll is the person with the problem in the first place, but that doesn't mean that it's easy to sweep some malicious comments under the carpet. Reach out in ways the trolls can't influence the people you love and your community that comments made aren't true and that you're a wonderful person. The troll is just a troll, not a reflection of you. 

It takes practice but the main goal in all of this is to just stop giving a shit about what other people think - especially those that have nothing useful to offer. 

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It's 2am, I should be in bed, but how can I sleep after this just happened? I'M SCREAMING.