2017 Can Eff Off

I thought it was about time to make a 'new year new me' kind of post for 2018, but as I sit here staring at a blank page thinking of all shit I personally went through last year I can honestly say 2017 can fuck off forever. The past three or so years have been nothing but an emotional rollercoaster and I'm ready to get off. 
It's the beginning (well, middle of) a fresh year and I find it always the best time to reflect on the year that's past; celebrating lovely moments and learning from the not so lovely ones, and let me tell you, there has been more not so lovely moments, than actual lovely ones, but this year, I'd like to change that.

I've decided I need to 'de-clutter' myself, my life, possibly my personality too? - I need to stop being such a push over, basically, rejuvenate myself if you will. I let people walk all over me, just because it's easier that way, I let them get their way, and then move on, seeing that person happy, and leaving me feeling like shit. It's kind of sad to see that written down and reading it back to myself but it's true. I feel like in the past few years I've given out so much to people and recieved next to nothing in return -  Anyone who truely knows me, knows I absolutly hate confrontation, and i'll do anything not to get myself into any sort of situation which involves any of the sort, and I mainly think this is why I get myself into so many shitty situations because I'd rather hide from them than face them, and whilst it's a scary thought to face up to your fears, your bullies, your fake friends, surely in the long run your life would be so much better for it? 

Which is why I've choosen 2018 to be my 'Take no bullshit' year. Cutting the bullshit from my life completly (almost). How's it going so far? Not good, but not bad either. I've started to cut ties with people who I feel are no longer good for me mentally, and whilst it hurts to do that to both parties (I'd like to think) I know that in the long run it will be better. I'm trying to surround myself with more positive people, tyring to get out and do more things. Keep myself busy whilst still looking for work (I've been out of work for a year now and it's literally the most depressing thing ever, to anyone who reads this and is hiring feel free to email me okay? Cheeky? Yes, do I regret that? No.) I even met someone last year who has been nothing but amazing to me, and he makes me feel all nice and tingly and I'd like to think I do the same for him.  

I want to do more things that scare me, challenge me, require me to actually get out of bed. Y'know, be an actual functioning human for once in my life, that kind of thing. I feel like this year i'll learn more about myself and who I am as a person than I ever have before and I think that's what I'm most afraid of. Everyone strives to be that person who has all their shit together. And if you're already that person, good on you, I'm getting their myself, slowly but surely. And hopefully this time next year, when I re-read this post, I'll almost be a completly different person, in a good way, obviously. 

For now though, there's no way I'm giving up my coffee addiction, I'm about to make my seventh cup today, I mean, hey, at least I'm showered, out of bed and sort of dressed, so that's an achievement itself, right? What did you achieve today? Lemme know in the comments!


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