July

Oh hai

Long time no see, again. Life has been very busy for me right now, busy as in working, taking naps and then playing video games with my boyfriend. But I was just talking with my work colleagues and we're all baffled about how it's already half way through July!? Where has the time gone? It's ridiculous how fast this year has gone already. I've been in my job for almost three months now doing a year long apprenticeship and it's scary to think I only have nine months of that left, which seems like a lot when its written down but when the days and months are going past as fast as they are I reckon it will fly by. 

Honestly, I'm trying to stop with the whole naps in the afternoon thing, but I'm so exhausted by the time I get home I instantly pass out in bed, I could be scrolling through my Twitter feed and fall asleep and then wake up hours later in the same position which in my opinion is weird.  It's not like I'm not getting enough sleep at night either, I'll usually nap around 4:30pm, wake up at either 6pm or 8pm then go back to bed at around midnight and wake up at 6am the next day for work. It's just so hard trying to find something to do to keep myself awake and busy as to not nap. I could stream, but my motivation for streaming right now is next to zero, I don't know why but I hope my spark for it comes back soon because I do miss it, but for now I'll enjoy being a lurker in peoples chats again. 

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As for the healthy thing I was blabbering on about in this post. It's obviously gone in a downward spiral because hey, it's me, why wouldn't it? I was tracking calories, making sure i wasn't having any fizzy drinks and trying to be as active as I could during the work day. Now I've stopped eating breakfast and just eat whatever when I'm home. I don't know why I'm like this, I want to better myself and not be at risk of diabetes or whatever but right now I'm just like "meh". I have the shittiest mindset right now when it comes to physical health, I feel like eventually if I don't sort myself out, surgery will be my only option.
My mental health has been better recently too, albeit, I'm on a lower mood today than i have been, but not nearly half as bad as I have been in the past, it's nice to wake up and not have intrusive or negative thoughts, and any I do have get written down and torn up later. 
I have a doctors appointment after work now too, for those of you who don't know, I had cellulitis around two years ago which has just ruined my entire lower left leg. I now suffer with Secondary Lymphoedema  which makes my entire lower left leg swell up, and yes, it is quite painful. Still though, others have it worse than me so I shouldn't complain but I still do have days where I think "why me". 

In the long run I hope that things will get better but I'm having a hard time right now to see any positives that could come out of my situation. I'll get there eventually, these things take time right?



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