Holding Off.. || BLOGTOBER

Hello internet.
I'll be honest, the past couple of weeks have been nothing but hell for me, I've been sick for a while and had no idea why until I was admitted to Hospital Saturday night where I found out I have inflamed Kidneys and Influenza. I know what you're thinking, "It's just the flu, get over it" but what you don't know is that I've had so many other symptoms with this it's getting to the point where I can barely get out of bed or eat. (Only really getting out of bed to use the bathroom, my current count for bathroom use last night was 42 times, I shit you not. No pun intended). 

But for now, I think I'm going to hold off on the Blogtober posts, only because I'm finding it hard right now to even sit at my PC and think of something to write up for you guys. 

So yeah, there's always next year right? 
I hope whatever I have clears up soon honestly..

Reasons I love Autumn || BLOGTOBER

Yay, guess who's finally up to date with all their Blogtober posts? You're right, it's me. 
So I thought todays post would be about all the reasons I love the Autumnal season, not just because the air is cooler and crisp, the nights draw in more quickly and you can snuggle up in mountains of blankets with hot chocolate, but because of how close the season is to Christmas, and I'm a sucker for festive activities, not forgetting, the best holiday, Halloween. 

October is the month that you can sort yourself out, I use Autumn to go threw my things and declutter my life, as well as preparing for Winter. October itself is such a relaxing month in my eyes, and even though it's going so fast already, I can tell it's going to be a good month. 
So with me keeping on, I guess I was gonna tell you the reasons why I love Autumn;

  • Leaves falling and crunching
  • Hot chocolate, stupid amounts of hot chocolate
  • Getting cosy in massive blankets
  • Oversized jumpers

  • Bonfire Night
  • Halloween
  • Scented candles
  • Spending stupid amounts of time snuggled up in bed with Halloween movies
And those are my main favourites of why I love Autumn, what do you love?

Sick of Being Sick || BLOGTOBER

So for the past week now I've had what only I can describe as the flu of doom. 
I have an ear infection and a sinus infection, so you can imagine I feel far from fabulous right now. 
Luckily, finding out that I had an ear infection that's connected to my ongoing nausea is such a relief because I thought it could have been something worse, but I guess that's just me overthinking? I'm just finding it difficult sleeping, eating, really doing anything with an 'ing' at the end right now. I have a weird pain, I'm not so sure on how to desribe it, going from the bottom of my nose, into my head and accross my cheeks, you think having a sinus infection is fun? Because it's not.. I guess I'm just rambling again, I'm just sick of being sick all the time, y'know? 

All About Me || BLOGTOBER

I thought this Blogtober post would be fun to get all close and personal and tell you some things about myself.. Not too close mind you, because some things are best left unsaid, or better yet, for another blog post all together.

The basics:

(The boring part) I'm 24 years old, I have dirty blonde hair and blue eyes.  
I sometimes stream over on my Twitch channel, I'm very bad at video games and not the most patient person, but i have a lot of fun doing it. 
I studied IT in college for four years before going off to Art school to study a foundation degree in Game Design and Animation, after staying there for a year, I dropped out because the course just wasn't for me. 
I'm currently working for my local Hospital doing an apprenticeship in Business Administration and I love it (I just wish the pay was better). 
I've suffered with Anxiety (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and Depression since I was around 16, along with some other things I wont go into now.  
I have a boyfriend who lives in London, and he is very very lovely. 

Fried chicken. 
Mostly 80's music but I like some of the music that the 'cool kids' listen to sometimes, it depends what mood I'm in honestly. 
Laughing and making people laugh, even if that person is laughing at something dumb I've said, it still gives me that fuzzy 'I did that' feeling. 
I've recently started drinking Peppermint tea and I'm mad I didn't start drinking it sooner. 
Being organised. I hate being late for things, cinema, appointments, work, you name it. I always try and be at least ten minutes early to any of these things in fear of being late or missing out. 
Fried chicken. 

Mushrooms, mince meat and pasta.
People who go out of the way to hurt other people, what do you gain from this?
Bees and wasps. 
Spiders, not necessarily a dislike, more of a phobia to be honest. 
People who use other people for personal gain.

I'm a nightmare if I'm tired and/or hangry.
I love to nap. 
I let people walk all over me and I don't know why. 
I can go from not caring what people think about me to actually caring what they think, it's a work in progress thing and I'm getting there but it hurts what some people say sometimes. 
I know how to ride a motorbike. 
I find it frustrating that so many people are good at things and I'm not really good at anything. 

Well, I hope this gives you a little more of an insight on who I am as a person, I'm not perfect but then again who is? I'm really loving writing this Blogtober posts right now so who knows, maybe i'll keep up to date with them? No promises, obviously..

Ramblings || BLOGTOBER

I thought I'd take day two of Blogtober as just one ramble and go off on one really. 
I know I do that a lot but I haven't recently so I thought hey, we're due one of Laura's go off on one posts, so why not?
Recently I've not felt so good, more physically than mentally. I'm exhausted all the time, not tired, but exhausted, like, I could take a nap, then have another nap for taking that nap. My sleep schedule is still all over the place too, as well as having a constant headache, not bad enough to take painkillers, but noticeable enough to know it's there. I just feel like my body is giving up on me right now and I'm not sure what steps to take to put it back together again, that and not having enough time in between naps. I've been told to stop naps all together, and trust me, I've tried, but it's gotten to the point now where I slump in my computer chair, try and play a game and wake up a couple of hours later in the same position, and sometimes even in bed, but I don't even remember even waking up to get into bed? And no one in my household has the strength or motivation to pick me up from my computer chair and chuck me into bed I know that for a fact. 

Right now too, as I'm typing this in work (Naughty but I'm up to date with everything so doing this is better than sitting here doing nothing) I feel myself drifting off every so often which is ridiculous. I don't think I remember what it's like to actually feel 'awake' or 'alert' I'm just in a constant state of drowsiness and I just don't want to feel like this anymore. Like my body is just giving up on me. 

To add fuel to the fire, yesterday was just lovely. Did you see the sarcasm there? Probably not, but it started off well, and just got progressively worse to the point I broke down crying in front of my work friends which was embarrassing to say the least but you know when something effects you so much, and you can already feel the tears building up, and you're trying so hard to hold them in and that one person asks if you're okay and suddenly your face resembles Niagara falls, it happened.
I woke up on time, all fine and dandy, got ready for work fine, tripped onto the bus, tried to buy breakfast and my card was declined. Got to work, my computer finishes doing an update it was doing over night and then Blue screens me, so I restart, and it blue screens me again, and I did this about four or five times before I decided it was time to call IT to sort it for me. At this point I'm told they might be 24 hours before they can sort it so I have to use another computer in another office which triggered my anxiety big time, I know that's sad, but the thought of not being within the place I'm most comfortable with and know everyone is just daunting to me. 
Fast forward about an hour later, I get a call from the IT guy asking me questions in a very slow manner, you know the way people talk when they're trying to explain something to someone and they know nothing about that subject? Kind of like that so I'm there like come on, please just fix my computer, I tell him I've booted the PC into safe mode already and he needs to come now because I don't have a PC to work at. About ten minutes later, he shows up, takes the PC and leaves. From then on it just got worse, I was told they were not able to recover anything on the Hard drive because the update had corrupted it and it was basically dead, so I'm sat there like "This is fine, just a years worth of work and coursework gone forever this is fine" Luckily, I have physical copies saved, but nothing else could be saved. 

They replace the Hard drive, everything's fine, up and running, oh wait, I've lost all my passwords and usernames, this is great all fine and dandy. Spent an hour trying to remember everything, get all logged into everything all fine. Home time comes and it's time to shut down my computer. Windows update. "Please don't do this. I've just got you back I can't loose you again" I say to my computer. I leave. 
Come back in this morning, log in to my computer everything loads until, you guessed it, another blue screen.  
That's fine, let me go home so I can cry in bed now, or do I have to wait until later?
Of course it was later, it always is. I woke up today wanting to stay in bed and hide from the world but I'm here in work anyways so that's an achievement in itself I guess? 

I told you most of this would just be me going off on one but I feel a little better for it. 
i'm desperate for a nap, I might go and find a place to hide for a bit. 

Hello October || BLOGTOBER

How is it October already?
It seems just like yesterday it was the middle of June and I was organizing works Christmas party, now it's 85 days until Christmas, where did all that time go? You blink and suddenly you're 24, still struggling somewhat with finances because of your apprenticeship and spilling water down yourself at work because yes, I am bunking off right now, unless this counts as my lunch break?.. I'm counting it. 

Any who, I thought with the spirit of me writing down goals and never really reaching any of them lets just add some more to the list especially for Blogtober! Sound good?

  • Blogtober - Obviously the main goal is to have a total of 31 posts up during this month. A post a day, doesn't sound like much but if you're a professional napper/procrastinator/excuse maker like I am, something as easy as this can be a little difficult. 
  • Take more photos - And I don't mean selfies. I feel like since life is going by so quickly I want more to remember each memory and look back on them when I'm old and senile. 
  • Carve a pumpkin - As sad as this may seem, i don't ever recall actually carving my own pumpkin for Halloween so it's something I'd like to attempt to do this year. 
I'm going to keep this post short and sweet since we're already three days into Blogtober and I'm already three days late with posting this, but, better late than never right?