Ramblings || BLOGTOBER

I thought I'd take day two of Blogtober as just one ramble and go off on one really. 
I know I do that a lot but I haven't recently so I thought hey, we're due one of Laura's go off on one posts, so why not?
Recently I've not felt so good, more physically than mentally. I'm exhausted all the time, not tired, but exhausted, like, I could take a nap, then have another nap for taking that nap. My sleep schedule is still all over the place too, as well as having a constant headache, not bad enough to take painkillers, but noticeable enough to know it's there. I just feel like my body is giving up on me right now and I'm not sure what steps to take to put it back together again, that and not having enough time in between naps. I've been told to stop naps all together, and trust me, I've tried, but it's gotten to the point now where I slump in my computer chair, try and play a game and wake up a couple of hours later in the same position, and sometimes even in bed, but I don't even remember even waking up to get into bed? And no one in my household has the strength or motivation to pick me up from my computer chair and chuck me into bed I know that for a fact. 

Right now too, as I'm typing this in work (Naughty but I'm up to date with everything so doing this is better than sitting here doing nothing) I feel myself drifting off every so often which is ridiculous. I don't think I remember what it's like to actually feel 'awake' or 'alert' I'm just in a constant state of drowsiness and I just don't want to feel like this anymore. Like my body is just giving up on me. 

To add fuel to the fire, yesterday was just lovely. Did you see the sarcasm there? Probably not, but it started off well, and just got progressively worse to the point I broke down crying in front of my work friends which was embarrassing to say the least but you know when something effects you so much, and you can already feel the tears building up, and you're trying so hard to hold them in and that one person asks if you're okay and suddenly your face resembles Niagara falls, it happened.
I woke up on time, all fine and dandy, got ready for work fine, tripped onto the bus, tried to buy breakfast and my card was declined. Got to work, my computer finishes doing an update it was doing over night and then Blue screens me, so I restart, and it blue screens me again, and I did this about four or five times before I decided it was time to call IT to sort it for me. At this point I'm told they might be 24 hours before they can sort it so I have to use another computer in another office which triggered my anxiety big time, I know that's sad, but the thought of not being within the place I'm most comfortable with and know everyone is just daunting to me. 
Fast forward about an hour later, I get a call from the IT guy asking me questions in a very slow manner, you know the way people talk when they're trying to explain something to someone and they know nothing about that subject? Kind of like that so I'm there like come on, please just fix my computer, I tell him I've booted the PC into safe mode already and he needs to come now because I don't have a PC to work at. About ten minutes later, he shows up, takes the PC and leaves. From then on it just got worse, I was told they were not able to recover anything on the Hard drive because the update had corrupted it and it was basically dead, so I'm sat there like "This is fine, just a years worth of work and coursework gone forever this is fine" Luckily, I have physical copies saved, but nothing else could be saved. 

They replace the Hard drive, everything's fine, up and running, oh wait, I've lost all my passwords and usernames, this is great all fine and dandy. Spent an hour trying to remember everything, get all logged into everything all fine. Home time comes and it's time to shut down my computer. Windows update. "Please don't do this. I've just got you back I can't loose you again" I say to my computer. I leave. 
Come back in this morning, log in to my computer everything loads until, you guessed it, another blue screen.  
That's fine, let me go home so I can cry in bed now, or do I have to wait until later?
Of course it was later, it always is. I woke up today wanting to stay in bed and hide from the world but I'm here in work anyways so that's an achievement in itself I guess? 

I told you most of this would just be me going off on one but I feel a little better for it. 
i'm desperate for a nap, I might go and find a place to hide for a bit. 

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