Happy New Year!

Writing this a little drunk, a little sad and a little tired but Happy New Year Lovelies, may 2019 be full of happiness for you!
(And full of lots of fried chicken too)

Work Thoughts

 For those of you who don't know, I am currently an Business Administration Apprentice working at my local hospital and usually I spend a little bit of my time during work hours day dreaming.
 I thought it would be fun for you guys to read about the random things I think about, talk about, heck even see (within reason) I was trying to think of the best way to lay this out to make it easier to read for you guys, so I think I'll stick with time stamps and edit this post every time something relatively interesting happens.
So lets get on with the day shall we? Today it's Monday the 10th of December 2018, and I started my day at 6:00am. 

"I don't want to get out of bed, please let me sleep. Please, please, okay fine, i'll get up."

"Should I wear eyeliner today? I kind of want to but I cant be bothered." Proceeds to put on eyeliner anyway, and then I'm faced with a dilemma. "Great now I have to straighten my hair because I look like I've just been dragged under a bus." Proceeds to straighten hair but in a mood whilst doing so. 

"I should probably leave my bus is going to leave soon... Who invented buses anyways?"

"I'm so hungry, I should of had breakfast. I'm gonna get bacon. Bacon is always a good idea."


"I'm sad my bacon experience is over, I wish I could have more."

Me, thinking about a childhood show I used to watch: "Why do I remember watching this, but also not watching this."

"As if I just walked into two patients and a chair by accident. Why am I like this?" Thankfully they saw the funny side. I don't think i'll move from the office again today..

"Really? A headache right now? Can this day get any worse?"

"I just want to nap."

"Lunch time yesss." (I had a turkey, lettuce and mayo sandwich in case you were wondering..)

"Oh gosh walking. I hate walking. Do I have to do this? I guess the sooner the better right? Urghhhh."

I'm writing this part the next day. (Tuesday the 11th).
From about lunch time through to the next couple of hours were a bit of a blur. I didn't really think of anything, just about how much I wanted to go home and nap. I didn't mind you, myself, my mum and my sister went out and got our Christmas tree which was a chore in itself but that's a story for another day. I got my mums Christmas present, watched vlogs on YouTube. Bit of an anti-climactic day in all honesty. 

Although our Christmas tree isn't finished in terms of decorating, I'm starting to feel super festive now!

I'm sat at my desk in work now and I'm trying so hard not to fall asleep, I'm just exhausted all the time, and walking around a lot after lunch yesterday hasn't helped my leg much in terms of pain and swelling so that's always fun, right? (Nope!)

(And if anyone from my work ends up reading this, I was totally doing work, I swear, honestly, just taking a five minute break to rejuvenate the mind and such).

Okay but really, only five more hours until I can go home and take a nap..
How was your day?


If anyone knows me well they know I hate confrontation. 
I'm so bad at it, I try to put off confronting people unless I really have to and just leave something to bubble up inside until I can't take it anymore and BOOM. Burnout. Stress. Crying. Lots of crying. 
Recently I've been in alot of situations involving confrontation, silly things really, however, I like to think I can stand up for myself if I really have to. I just need to maybe stop swearing at people when trying to explain myself... Baby steps, right? 

Thinking About 2019

Oh hai,
I was sat here thinking about the past year and what I've done and accomplished and where I’ll be this time next year and it really does make you think about how quickly this year has gone and that Christmas is just around the corner and 2019 is less than four weeks away and honestly it's a bit daunting. 

Let’s start with the boring bits, shall we?

Looking back I've also been fed up. Really fed up. Fed up of people telling me that I'm a dick, that I'm no good, that because I don't want to do something that someone else wants to do makes me less of a person. Because it doesn't. You know the feeling where someone drills comments into your head over and over and you start to believe it? I was almost there, but I'm fed up of apologising for being me. If you don't like it, just bugger off. I'm trying to worry less about what others think of me because of certain ways I act or things I say, sure I don't think before I speak, sure I say some things I regret, heck, we all do, but honestly I'm fed up of treading on egg shells around people because I'm worried of upsetting them and what they could say. At the end of the day, I'm done with toxic people telling me I'm a dick, or "Oh but you used to do this", blah blah blah. Yes, used to. Past tense, I'm not the person I was five years ago, and you shouldn't be angry or upset because I don't want to do something I no longer enjoy doing, and yes, sometimes that includes socialising, going outside, even talking to people, I'm an introvert, what do you expect? I'm just done apologising for being myself. I think some changes in the people I keep in contact with will be made in 2019. As harsh as that sounds, I'm done putting the effort into friendships that give nothing back, and you can walk all over me, talk shit about me, whatever, just don't expect anything back from me anymore, because I'm done. 

Phew, that felt good to get off my chest honestly; shall we get onto the fun bits now?

I've grown a little bit, as a person. I say a little bit, because I feel like I'm halfway being the person I want to be. What does this mean exactly? I'm still figuring out that myself really, I feel like I need to grow more, and become myself. Like a caterpillar turning into a beautiful butterfly so to speak. I also want to grow not in myself but also my career. Working for the NHS has been amazing, and I'm so lucky to have been given the opportunity to work for them, but I'm so ready to be over with my apprenticeship. I've been doing the same thing, in and out now for nearly a year and I'm ready to do more, learn more and help more. I've been told once you've got your foot in the door within the NHS, it's easier to find a job in within another department but I guess only time will tell really. 

Getting a new job, as well as a raise will give me so many new chances to do new things. I'll be able to learn how to drive, go to more social events, go on holiday, see my boyfriend more, the list is endless. I'll be able to grow even more as a person, as mentally and physically (Oh gosh I'm so old)..

I'm excited for next year and the new things I'll learn, new people I'll meet, new opportunities to grab. What excites you for the new year ahead?