Thinking About 2019

Oh hai,
I was sat here thinking about the past year and what I've done and accomplished and where I’ll be this time next year and it really does make you think about how quickly this year has gone and that Christmas is just around the corner and 2019 is less than four weeks away and honestly it's a bit daunting. 

Let’s start with the boring bits, shall we?

Looking back I've also been fed up. Really fed up. Fed up of people telling me that I'm a dick, that I'm no good, that because I don't want to do something that someone else wants to do makes me less of a person. Because it doesn't. You know the feeling where someone drills comments into your head over and over and you start to believe it? I was almost there, but I'm fed up of apologising for being me. If you don't like it, just bugger off. I'm trying to worry less about what others think of me because of certain ways I act or things I say, sure I don't think before I speak, sure I say some things I regret, heck, we all do, but honestly I'm fed up of treading on egg shells around people because I'm worried of upsetting them and what they could say. At the end of the day, I'm done with toxic people telling me I'm a dick, or "Oh but you used to do this", blah blah blah. Yes, used to. Past tense, I'm not the person I was five years ago, and you shouldn't be angry or upset because I don't want to do something I no longer enjoy doing, and yes, sometimes that includes socialising, going outside, even talking to people, I'm an introvert, what do you expect? I'm just done apologising for being myself. I think some changes in the people I keep in contact with will be made in 2019. As harsh as that sounds, I'm done putting the effort into friendships that give nothing back, and you can walk all over me, talk shit about me, whatever, just don't expect anything back from me anymore, because I'm done. 

Phew, that felt good to get off my chest honestly; shall we get onto the fun bits now?

I've grown a little bit, as a person. I say a little bit, because I feel like I'm halfway being the person I want to be. What does this mean exactly? I'm still figuring out that myself really, I feel like I need to grow more, and become myself. Like a caterpillar turning into a beautiful butterfly so to speak. I also want to grow not in myself but also my career. Working for the NHS has been amazing, and I'm so lucky to have been given the opportunity to work for them, but I'm so ready to be over with my apprenticeship. I've been doing the same thing, in and out now for nearly a year and I'm ready to do more, learn more and help more. I've been told once you've got your foot in the door within the NHS, it's easier to find a job in within another department but I guess only time will tell really. 

Getting a new job, as well as a raise will give me so many new chances to do new things. I'll be able to learn how to drive, go to more social events, go on holiday, see my boyfriend more, the list is endless. I'll be able to grow even more as a person, as mentally and physically (Oh gosh I'm so old)..


I'm excited for next year and the new things I'll learn, new people I'll meet, new opportunities to grab. What excites you for the new year ahead?